who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
