how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
