i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
