Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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