I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
wow bdsm is so cute
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
