Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
