This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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