everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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