This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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