Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
