So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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