just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
