there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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