you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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