I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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