We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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