One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
