You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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