He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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