obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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