Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
