dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
