I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
