my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you didnt know i had herpes?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
