I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
