How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
do nipples grow back?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
