I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
