my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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