Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've blown a few things in my day
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
