So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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