I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
