I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
