I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
