Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
