people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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