Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
