Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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