ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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