I smell stomach acid.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
