Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
