I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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