at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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