Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
