Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
