He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
