you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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