I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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