could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
