My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
