Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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