You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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