You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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