he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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