420 ftw
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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