Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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