Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
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We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
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Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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