That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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