I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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