soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
