ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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