THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
