I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
