if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
