you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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