i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
