that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
