That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
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Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
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My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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