i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
