You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
