i permit you to call me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
