if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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