She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
