I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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