I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
