haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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