I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
