I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
