you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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