New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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